GROOMS SPEECH

Welcome

Firstly on behalf of my wifey over here (clap) and myself, we would both like to thank you for coming here on this special and fairly mad day and for sharing a few beers in celebration with us.

I am thoroughly chuffed to see everyone here and I hope you have enjoyed yourself so far and will enjoy an evening of drink, music, merriment and watching my dad strut his stuff on the dance floor. It is truly a sight to behold!!!

This speech is going to be short, as all the sentimental stuff I wrote about Ailsa made me blubber like a big girl and I refuse point blank to be teary. If it ever got out at work the other scientist would pick on me dreadfully and write stuff like ‘kick me’ on my lab coat and hide my sandals.

Ok normally I am not allowed to talk for Ailsa, as she is quite good at talking all by herself. Except apparently in this speech, it is technically supposed to be on behalf of both of us. So if I accidentally say ‘I’, I mean us except of course when I don’t

Thanks - Rod Speech, Ailsa’s Parents and My Parents

I would firstly like to thank Ailsa’s dad for his eloquent speech and for the generous amount of money he has given to me in order for me to take his daughter of his hands.

Ailsa and I would like to thank both Rod and Vera for all their efforts for this wedding it is truly appreciated. I think everyone knows by now that I am more of a theory than a applications man and really the only thing I have done well for the preparation for this wedding was to express my dislike for ‘vol au vants’.

I want to also like to thank my parents for everything they have done, as well. I do however know that there is an ulterior motive for my parents as they always wanted a daughter and were slightly disappointed with two big smelly boys (one big smelly boy and me ‘what do you reckon Jonboy’)

Thanks - Everyone Else

I would also like to repeat Rods thanks to both the ministers for music and outdoor activities, D and Matty cheers boys.

My best men Mark (wheels) and jonboy, cheers boys, solid defensive partnership.

We would also like to thank the ushers Shef, Nash and Sheppard for generally helping people around or confusing them, whichever was appropriate at the time.

Also special thanks to Threadgold, Slater, Smart and Raigly for keeping out of trouble, and also there immanent and extremely important role of propping up the bar.

D-Day

Well as you all probably know by now this is the 60th anniversary of D-Day today and I found it quite distracting being told by the BBC every morning how many days it was until D-Day. Well worth the license fee I think you will agree

60 years ago the success of an operation called Overlord which involved over three million service personnel hinged on the success of tens of thousands of Allied troops landing on the beaches of Normandy. Due to their sacrifice a second front was established that weakened the German Army and enabled the liberation of Western Europe.

On this anniversary I want this day to be remembered for love and not war. Hopefully ending up with me getting a bit of the loving tonight rather than the warring, this however entirely depends on how much I drink during the course of these festivities.

Ailsa’s Family

So, I have had the pleasure of knowing Ailsa’s family for around 10 years and they have always made me feel both at home and comfortable. I even found it extremely pleasant going to Ailsa’s cousins wedding all the way up in Scotland EVEN being the only Englishman at a Scottish wedding. A Welshman walked up to me during the event and personally thanked me for turning up so that the mickey taking would be deflected from him towards myself. I wasn’t to concerned though, as when I am in England I get the mickey taken out of me anyway for being from the Midlands.

I have had some wonderful experiences with all the Scott and Chalmers family and there will be many more to come. Ailsa is very special to me and I will do everything in my power to make sure she is alright and she is loved.

My Family, Our Friends

With my own family I have also been blessed, they have taught me the true meaning of love, honour and trust from a very young age, my family have always been there fore me and I have never felt anything other than protected and cared for. My mum is one of the most loving people I have ever met and one day if I am ever a father if I could be 1% of the man my dad is I will be doing OK.

However lucky this made me, fate shone me again at school right up to the present where I have met, and I am honoured to know, friends that are my extended family. All of you here you have given me hours, days and years of laughter and you have always been there when I have needed you and I know this will go on in to the future.

Ailsa

With this all this good fortune of mine I could of never imagined nine years ago there was such a massive hole, a part of me that was missing, something I had never seen or experienced and one day she just turned up in my life and ever since then Ailsa has spent every moment in my heart, soul and mind.

People talk about if there is such thing as love at first sight but that’s the only thing I know. Fortunately for me Ailsa didn’t get too scared away after about 3minutes 23seconds after our first kiss when I had told her of my undying love for her. Ever since then I have felt complete, Ailsa is my reason, with her I feel I can accomplish anything. A songwriter called Glen Campbell summed it up better than I ever could ‘and I need you more than I want you and I want you for all time’.

I would like to say that I asked Ailsa to marry me while I was on bended knee with a huge diamond engagement ring after surprising her with a trip to Dublin. This however is a little far from the truth, the day before we decided to tie the knot, we had both said to each other that getting married would be a right royal pain in the arse.

The next day however in my most romantic voice I tried to sweep Ailsa off her feet with a line that would of made the late great Barry White cry like a baby. ‘I suppose we could get married then’ and at that most special moment I received a reply that still brings a tear to my eye. ‘ugh, I suppose so’. And here we are today.

As a side note I am also looking forward to having a bit of a dance with my nan later on.

Cheers and Best Mans Speech

Again I/we/us/me/Ailsa would like to thank all of you, you are all the greatest family anybody could wish for and even if blood does not tie us, thousands of years worth of cumulative experiences do and will always bond us.

Now to my favourite part of the proceedings, I was once told that you should never let the truth get in the way of a good story when it comes to a best mans speech’s, which I tried to exploit as best man for Dave Sheppard a few months back. What truly worries me about the next speech is not the lies, it’s both the truth and the photographic evidence.

I would like to hand you over now, to a legend, a hero of mine, unfortunately David Hasselhof could not be with us today and therefore I would like to leave you with a worthy substitute, Dr Williamson.

Oh yeah sorry one last thing as it is my wedding day I therefore I can say pretty much anything UP THE VILLA!!!