Happy 30th Ailsa!! You're my honey.

Why are people so stupid on e-bay. I am having a sensible bid, looking up the price of the item if it was new and then tailoring my maximum bid to that and then some goofer then bids twenty quid more than the new price. What is that all about

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

PhysicsWeb - So you think physics is funny?

I was reading this article about science jokes in a edition of physics world (yeah I know I am interesting) and then started looking over the web for other jokes, I realised immediately two things.

1. I find most of these jokes really amusing and spent a lot of time chuckling to myself.
2. I am really sad

Here are some of my favourites!!

Q: Two cats are on a roof. Which slides off first?
A: The one with the smaller mew (Greek letter mu - ì being the coefficient of friction).

A hydrogen atom lost its electron and went to the police station to file a missing electron report. He was questioned by the police: "Haven't you just misplaced it somewhere? Are you sure that your electron is really lost?" "I'm positive." replied the atom. (come on you gotta find that funny)

There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, "I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum."

Villa will be a brilliant second division team

After the display today it is almost inevitable that we will be relegated. The lack of talent, determination and balls on show today was unbelievable and I am disgusted that these gutless idiots dare to put a Villa shirt on their backs. I can't remember the last time I watched a game where we won. I happy to take any bet that we will be the first to go down this season far before any other team.

Nutty protest over student debt

This dude pushed a monkey nut with his nose from south east Londom all the way to Downing street to highlight student debt. When do you think he put two and two togehter and realised that pushing a nut with his nose was a top idea. He says he skint but he obviously has enough money for drugs!!

Rooney delights Eriksson

How good is Roonaldo!!! You have to be a certain sort of person to be so confident at just 17. We would have been dreadful last night (match report) if it wasn't for this lad.

Just going through my 'in tray' and before I chuck everything out I though I would write/record this down. Last October one of my mates (Anna and Kevin) who I used to work with at the FMRIB Centre with, got married. I had that order of service card thing and in it was some Native American text which I thought was beautiful.

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth for the other.
Now there is no more loneliness,
for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.

May the sun bring you new energy by day,
May the moon softly refresh you by night,
May the rain wash away your worries,
And the breeze blow new strength in to your being,
And all the days of your life
May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty

Macedonia 1-2 England

So I watched the game on Saturday and couldn't help but think that if the English fans where really causing trouble in the crowd then surely they would do it when we were losing and not when we were in the lead??? Surely it was the Macedonians, getting angry that they were losing and seeing some of the english fans there, struck out at them. I mean I think it is crazy the FA banning the english fans from travelling as it just tars all fans under the same hooligan brush. We do have a major problem with hooliganism and I will agree with that but have you seen all the other countries are exactly the same or worse than us. Do you remember the last time we played where one of our black players haven't complained at racist chants. Yet those idiots are allowed to go to away games

Man Utd chief 'to join Chelsea'

HA HA MAN UTD. Even your Chief Executive is a glory suporter. Perhaps the prawn sandwiches are better at Stamford Bridge

England romp home

What a amazing come back by the boys. I think what we need to think about is trying to adhere to the following word - CONSITENCY

HOLIDAY!!!!!

I have just come back from two weeks holiday with Ailsa and The House of Payne. I spent ten days in a small French village called Saint-Martin-de-Londres just outside Montpellier, a beach resort called Rosas (just over the Spanish border) and also spent a couple of days in Barcelona.

The small French village was perfect, in the middle of nowhere, completely quiet apart from the sound of wild boar and the shouts of frustration of Ailsa losing at cards. It was great, we just slept, ate, drank, read and played cards. That is surely what holiday is all about. We popped in to Montpellier for a bit to do a wee bit of shopping and had the largest meal in the universe at the at ‘Le Boeuf Agile’, all you fattys go there, the food is top.

In contrast Rosas was your classic beach resort with hundreds of people on the beach with perfect tans making me and Ailsa almost look illuminous white. We were completely eaten by fricking mosquitoes of a night time and therefore had to keep the windows closed in order to keep the gits out. This made the nights bloody hot and caused general sleep depravation. In the early hours of the morning I would pop to the bathroom to douse myself in cold water and all you could hear from the next room was the predatory instinct of D (the hunter) prowling for Mozzys around his bedroom. Ailsa woke up after a particularly bad night and blamed her weakened condition to drinking to much Jagey the night before (as if).

We therefore popped to Barcelona for a couple of days and drove there in a nice air conditioned car to a nice air conditioned hotel room and generally stayed cool for a couple of days. Oh yeah it was a nice city as well (air conditioning was fantastic).

I learnt a few things on my travels.

1. Spanish drivers don’t care if they die on the road - They can’t do as there driving can only be described as suicidal they veer around, going from lane to lane, not really looking or caring if there is a car in the path of their proposed route, it is truly scary.

2. The French don’t seem to work at all, they appear to always be in the bar and café’s drinking pastis or coffee with a French stick under there arm, They must do something as their economy seems quite buoyant. Please, answers on a postcard.