Simply Brilliant, Let all the world unite against homophobic racist bigot idiots everywhere, and all you that like to kill and terrorise in the name of your one god (or the many gods if that's what you dig) please leave our planet. That is a public service broadcast. Thank you Jim whoever you are. If you are ever around Oxford, the beer is on me!!

Laura Schiessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently she said that, as an Observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr Laura penned by a US resident which was posted on the internet....

Dear Dr Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the alter as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev 1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev 15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Lev 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obliged to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine insists that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Jim.

I am actively trying to stop myself watching Sky News, BBC 24 or ITV News as it is just propaganda, general capitalisation of a disaster by the media to make money and is actually fairly crap. 24 hours a day, looking at some stupid street in Baghdad, a B52 on some RAF base in the UK, some troops in Kuwait or other Iraqi town is not my idea of fun. This is a news war, the media are getting rich while innocent Iraqi's are being blown to bits by George Bush and Tony Blair. The US and UK governments are using these news channels to throw out their propaganda just like Saddam Hussein is doing on the Arab news channels and we just watch it like punch drunk zombies. I hope the general public isn't believing any of this rubbish, we have to wait to see the real cost of this war when the dust settles, to really see the true numbers of innocent casualties and if America will actually keep it's promise of rebuilding Iraq (they can't seem to be bothered with Afghanistan anymore after they blew them up and promised to help and soon I am sure George Bush will want to blow some other country up). Whether you are for or against the war it will take some time to actually work out whether any positives have come from it.

The US are talking about that they have found chemical weapon suits and that it must mean that Saddam wants to use chemical weapons, actually it could mean that the Iraqis are worried about the US using chemicals. Who would know if the UK or the US used chemical weapons, everybody would blame Iraq and the Americans and the UK would then get their smoking gun. Do I sound really bad for saying that, I mean the US would not do anything like that, well apart from depleted uranium, napalm and other OK stuff.

This article by John Pilger, is basically trying to show the unlawfulness of this war and is absolutely mad, if you are pro or anti war you should read this, but again don't believe everything you read because what is propaganda and what isn't?

Just had one comment from someone at work saying that if we really want to stop the Iraqis we should open a McDonalds in Baghdad, that will finish them off. You could also give them 20 Marlboro and a can of Special Brew free with every Big Mac, instant death.

I realise they won't stop the war now until they feel there has been some positive outcome, I just hope it is soon and then they can spend some time trying peacefully to sort out a Palestinian state. Unless of course they are thinking about invading the other state which ignores UN resolutions and has weapons of mass destruction, you listening Israel!!!

Such an addictive game on Yahoo called Dynomite. I must stop playing it as I have stuff to do

Ciao, finally, here is the diary for me and Ailsa's little trip and the Turin Brakes gig. I really recommend the Lonely Planet book on Rome as it was tremendously useful. I loved the Trastevere area out of all the areas in Rome, it's was real nice and away from the real mental tourist area.

On the Monday morning we left Rome and after a gruelling journey we arrived at the long stay car park in Stanstead, I soon realised I had left the lights on the car and had flattened the battery which was nice. Fortunately the nice RAC man was there quick and charged the battery and we then made the miserable journey back home, via Hemel to pick
up the cat and allow it to shite in my car again!!

Sunday - Piazza Navona and Trevi Fountain
OK realised this was our last day and therefore tried to see all the things we hadn't. I first thought I would quickly participate in the Rome Marathon (Andy, please take note, I am that hard I am doing it in jeans). Please note my relaxed nature in the picture that Ailsa took, which meant that although I did not win the race I was around the front pack!!!! After that quick hour off, Ailsa and I walked toward Piazza Navona, which was beautiful surrounded by baroque palaces. There are some amazing fountains there and a central obelisk created by Bernini.

Had a stroll to the Patheon (temple to all the gods), it was first built in 27BC and rebuilt a number of time's, finally believed to be around 120AD. For a building nearly two thousand years it is huge, they where so good at engineering, they had already invented concrete and where able to produce a dome which is the largest masonary vault ever built. If you haven't seen it you gotta check it out (thay also do great ice-creams there). Then went to the Trevi Fountain, one of the most famous monuments in Rome, it was absolutely heaving with people. Click on the picture (left hand side) to get a sense of how big it is it is.

Nearly had a disaster couldn't find any open supermarkets to find any jagermeister, but after an intensive search found an open supermarket and a source to the nectar. While doing a bit of a victory dance in the supermarket, three lads from England came up and started asking me why I was so happy, I explained about my crusade for an open supermarket and that the elixir of life was so cheap here. After that there was a small scene in the supermarket as the UK contingent of Rome started a mad Jagey buying frenzy, I don't think I had anything to do with it as I am only the messenger.

Had lovelly meal again in Trastevere at 'Popi Popi' (Via delle Fratte di Trastevere 45), the food is top here and I will never endure over cooked pasta again now I have finally experienced how to properly cook it.

Saturday - Roman Forum and Colosseum
Had a walk to the Roman Forum, bit colder today although still warm. It doesn't seem to matter to native Romans though as they appear to where full arctic gear in the hottest of environments, I mean when me and Ailsa our out in our T Shirts they are wearing about two jumpers and huge coats. Ailsa and I where trying to work out why they all weren't really fat with all the pizza and pasta they must eat but I think this is how they do it by wearing multiple layers and sweating it out of them using the principle of the sauna.

Had a tour a round the ruins of the forum which was the commercial, political and religious centre of ancient Rome. It seems to have been started around 500BC (don't quote me on that one!!) and was built over 900 years. You can easily see the length of time it was built over as the newer buildings where built higher than older as things got buried (time in z-axis, for you scientists). Again had a guided tour which cost something like €3 (how do you get a euro on a keyboard??) well worth it, as it will only look like a lot of impressive old knackered stuff without any real meaning

Then went to the Colosseum (actually called Flavian Amphitheatre, Collosseum being actually it's nickname due to a massive statue once outside called the Collosus, which was of Nero), which was built in AD72 and took only 8 years to build and held more than Villa Park (although I don't think quite good enough to hold the FA Cup Semi Final). Walking over the arena ground where the Gladiators would of fought, it felt mad looking up at the stands and trying to imagine what it would have been like at capacity.

Went for some food later that night in Trastevere at the 'Casetta di Trastevere' (Piazza de' Renzi 31a), great great food!!!!!!

Friday - Vatican
Woke up feeling totally on holiday, which is unbelievably nice as I haven't been on holiday in so long. Absolutely beautiful day and we decided to go to the Vatican area. On the walk through Rome all you could see, was rainbow coloured flags with PACE written on them (pronounced PACHÉ - peace), they where on nearly every other window. I am going to buy one and put it up at home (will take a piccie of it when it is up).

When to Piazza San Pietro which is the site for the impressive St Peters Basilica (the picture on the left shows St Peters Basilica and the obelisk of Piazza San Pietro), I can't believe the scale of it all. Once inside the Basilica, Ailsa and I had a walk around just to get a feeling of its immensity (it took 150 years to build). A lot of the pillars, marble and other stuff were stolen by the church from the Roman Forum and other Roman sites in order to kit the Piazza and the Basilica out. Took a cool picture inside the basilica with the light entering from a high window, hitting a person and forming a bit of a cross on the floor, if I was religious I would probably go ooohhh it's a sign, but as a scientist all I am going to say is 'pesky photons'. Went to the top of the Basilica, up millions of stairs to get the so called 'God's-Eye View' of Rome, it's not for people with vertigo, claustrophobia or any other ailments for that matter, but when you are up there and can see for miles around it is well worth it.

After getting down from the top of the Basilica and having a quick drink and a bite to eat (two beers and one sandwich for £15, robbing gits), we then went to the Vatican Museum to the Sistine Chapel. Before you get to the Chapel, you walk through hundreds of rooms all with exceptional frescoes from people like Raphael. They are absolutely mad, there is a room that used to be a dining room, it is painted by Raphael and has all walls and ceilings painted exquisitely, this is one of the biggest examples of 'big me up' ever (a lot bigger than buying yourself a Ferrari). The Sistine chapel is fantastic now it has been restored, the colours where wonderfully vivid and the only thing I would say about the whole Vatican tour you probably should get a guide. There's a brilliant tour guide called Aldo Stouffs who does three hour tours, he took us around the Colosseum.

Found out that my favourite tiple Jagermeister is only £6 here, what a town bought myself a holiday bottle and will get some to bring home!!!

Thursday - Rome Intro
NOT TALKING ABOUT THE WAR YET, I CAN'T BELEIVE THEY STARTED THIS WHEN I AM TRYING TO GO ON HOLIDAY

Woke up at 3:00am (after getting to Hemel at 12:00am after the Turins Brakes gig), drove to Stanstead for 4:00am, in Rome at 12:00pm. Absoultely knackered after so little kip. ROME IS TOP!!!! Had a few beers in a nice cafe in the afternoon and played a few games of backgammon before we could get in to our room.

Spent time teaching Ailsa about the doubling dice in backgammon and had a game where I was about to lose 64 until I rolled an inspirational double 6, winning the game, annoying Ailsa and proclaiming to Trastevere (area in Rome we where staying in) that we where here.

Turin Brakes - Brookes University 19 March 03
What an amazing gig, it totally blew me away how good his voice was. For this tour they have a drummer, bass and keyboard and they sounded like they had played together forever. Some of the highlights where 'Panick Attack' which rocked with a huge wall of sound, 'Emergency 72' was superb with the inclusion of the other layers provided by the backing band and 'Future Boy' going back to the Turin roots of two lads with two acoustic guitars. Absolute magic!!!!

Couldn't help thinking at one point in his life he must of worked out he had a hell of a voice while singing in front of the mirror, jammy git!

I am off to see Turin Brakes tomorrow night and then to Rome will give you the low down when I get back!!!!

Quote
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair - George Burns

Lyric
Have another drink my son, enjoy another cigarette. It's time you realised your just an average man - Average Man by Turin Brakes
GENIUS

Also the Third World Water Forum has found that the United States is the most wasteful water user in the world. REALLY I would have never guessed that. Whats is really mad is that the forum blames the yanks love for golf as the blame as they have a staggering 23,000 golf courses all needing to have their greens watered. I found this on the BBC but could I find it on any American news website, could I bugger!!!

So I am about to fly to Rome and Bush and Blair have decided to drop bombs on people and there is a mysterious illness killing people over the globe. Brilliant. Could I have timed it any better

Very funny google search gag.

The Complete Military History of France has been taken from the albino black sheep website and has had me in stitches

Gallic Wars
Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War
Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
Italian Wars
Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion
France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War
France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Revolution
Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War
Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession
Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution
In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution
Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars
Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War
Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I
Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II
Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina
Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
Algerian Rebellion
Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism
France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."

taken from http://www.albinoblacksheep.com

Having watched Blair the other night on ITV with Trevor McDonald, I actually feel quite sorry for him. He took an absolute schooling from loads of people who all were completely anti-war.

I actually agree with them that war is probably not the right option at this time and we should probably let the inspectors inspect. I am however interested to find out what the incredible peaceful alternatives these anti-war dudes must have figured out that the rest of us haven't. The inspectors aren't really working, if Saddam wants to keep his stuff, surely he just moves it while the UN inspectors make there telegraphed swoop on one of their for-warned inspection sites.

I think what is far worse than war is the sanctions imposed on Iraq, these measures only end up starving joe public in all aspects, while Saddam gets to smoke his Havana cigars and shoots off his western imported guns. What as responsible nations do we do in respect to the people of Iraq, do we try and save them from this evil tyrant by force or other means and do they want saving anyway?

However what I do know is that Tony Blair must have enough believe in what he is doing, that he has willingly committed complete and utter political suicide for both him and the labour party. It is funny that in Europe he is getting a kicking from everyone, including in his own country and party but he must have gone absolutely mental when he heard Dickhead 'let's shoot everyone' Rumsfeld (that's his first name isn't it) having a pop. I mean obviously the French where going to have a go, they have nothing better to do (well apart from each smelly cheese, drink red wine and go on strike) but I bet Tony was pretty annoyed by the US for that little corker.

By the way do you think Rumsfeld was some high ranking fascist in a previous life? I bet he is some xenophobic, homophobic lunatic who is working out how the US can obtain told world domination by nuking everyone. It worries me that the two men who have their finger on the trigger of the worlds largest arsenal of nuclear weapons are just glorified, suited trailer park red-neck trash and we are supposed to be worried by Kim Jong-il.

That must be fairly high on the rant scale

The US Navy have a commando seals (actually the animals and not their special forces) in the gulf protecting US and British warships against attacks from underwater saboteurs and mines (BBC article). I first of all thought that this was a gag before I saw the US Navy Marine Mammal Programme website (dreadful website by the way, my mum could do it better), I knew that the army sort of played around with animals to see the feasibility, but in full combat!!! Absolute madness

Rather amusing story on the Ananova Quirkies today. It is about a US High Shool Basketball player who was suspended for dropping a bag of marijuana during an actual game. Who on earth would carry a bag of skunk while playing sport, remember kids winners don't do drugs! Well apart from cannabis, which really technically speaking, you couldn't really call a drug. We should send a petition to Bush and Blair forcing them to have a bit of a smoke and chill out!! We can use the comments as the petition!!

Quote
Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves. -- Albert Einstein

Go Home Productions is an amzing website with some absolutely mad remixes check out the 'THE WEATHER EPISODE' - Snoop Dogg & Dr Dre vs Crowded House.

I have spent a week listening to the new Turin Brakes album 'Ether Song' and I am absolutely blown away. After the release of their first album 'The Optimist LP', I once again began to believe there was something out there more than the manufactured crap from little boy and girl bands, polluting the brains of my generation and future generations to come. I was to say the least, a little worried and anxious whether 'the brakes' could manage to get past any artists personal foe, the second album and they have done it exceptionally well. This album is already beginning to feel like my favourite jumper, something safe and very comfortable, in which to find solace and wellbeing, an album where it's ok to laugh and cry and somewhere for us all to escape.

There are no real weak tracks on the album but special tracks are:
Track 3 - Long Distance (try not to sing this at the top of your voice in your car!!!!)
Track 6 - Stone Thrown
Track 7 - Clean Blue Air
Track 8 - Pain Killer (Genius)
Track 9 - Full of Stars

Buy it

If I die and I find there is something after this life, which includes a heaven and a hell and as nonbeliever I get sent to my own personal hell where all my fears, abhorrences and phobias manifest themselves, I know what it will be like.
Have you ever been to Tesco or for that matter any other large supermarket on a Saturday dinnertime and watch the torment of zombified parents and little ugly whinging brats wailing for this and that, with people who try to run over your feet with their supermarket trolley and block up narrow gangways just to annoy you. That is my definition of true hell and it scares me so much I may just have to start covering my options by picking a different deity every week and pray like a ba****d.

1. What was the last song you heard?
Pain Killer by Turin Breaks of the Album Ether Songs
2. What were the last two movies you saw?
'The One' and 'The Bourne Identity'
3. What were the last three things you purchased?
Chicken and bacon cornish pasty (I am on shift!!!), chewing gum and packet of flipster sweets
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
Drink beer, goto pub, be nice to girlfriend (apparently) and run
5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
My girlfriend, John Hunt (my Octant 8 shift operator), John Boyle(my Octant 4 shift operator), The Enigneer in Charge and the Shft Tech
Questions by friday five

yeah yeah yeah
Read a BBC article called 'Savage sent death threats' and although I agree that this maybe a little harsh, (may be he only needs a good pummelling) I could not believe that they allowed such an absolute crock of shite quote from the Birmingham chairman, David Gold at the bottom of the piece.

”I think all of my players, including Robbie, acted and behaved superbly on Monday and it was the same with the supporters."

Maybe he was watching a different bloody game and then managed not to see the news about the violence at the end of the game. If it was just Villa fans fighting, who was it against???? Lets think about this for a while, who is more likely to cause trouble, a team like Villa who never ever get into trouble or a bunch of crap, idiotic, violent thugs who if they put all there brain cells together may have four between the lot of the common inbred buggers.

The UN World Water Development Report was released today bringing together for the first time, 23 United Nations agencies and convention secretariats to combine their efforts and expertise to produce the most comprehensive and up-to-date report on the state of the world's freshwater resources. The World Water development Report was presented to the media today and the media release can be seen here, It will be officially launched at the occasion of World Water Day, March the 22nd, during the 3d World Water Forum.

The press release documents so many things I didn't know, like pastures and crops taking up 37% of the Earth's land area. If you think of the irrigation needed for that, including all the drinking water needed for people in the cities and rural areas and the percentage of the freshwater that is polluted or poisened, the whole problem becomes mind boggling. The report highlights that one of the Millennium Goals (2000) to halve the proportion of people suffering from hunger by 2015 may not be achieved before 2030 because previous estimates did not distinguish between rainfed and irrigated crops. By factoring in this distinction, the report presents more precise projections concerning the water required to feed the world today and in the future. From this report it seems to me more than ever we could do with limitless amounts of energies for desalination of the oceans to provide this deficit

Links
UNESCO WATER
UN Millennium Development Goals
BBCi: World Water Crisis
Global Hydrology and Climate Center
Global Water Partnership
World Water Forum
WWAP

Aston Villa 0 Birmingham City 2
One of the worst nights ever and I can’t believe how absolutely shite we are, We had two players sent off and we lost to a second rate team. Just to top it all I made a complete arse out of myself in the pub and my girlfriend is annoyed with me. I was going to write at length about Aston Villa’s weakness’ but actually can’t be bothered. I will say one thing though Robbie Savage is a dirty dirty player and should be banned for being a total ******** (fill in the gap with whatever you fancy). Sorry Ailsa!!!

I have been watching the news about the Israelis incursion in to central Gazza (BBC article & CNN Article). This preparation for re-occupation of this area while the world looks else where, has caused the death of several Palestinians including a women, nine month in to her pregnancy and a 13 year old boy. I wonder when the Americans are going to turn there attention to other countries that have flagrantly ignored UN resolutions, committed brutal atrocities and continue to openly amass weapons of mass destruction. I find it crazy that the news gives legitimacy when the Israelis attack innocent Palestinians by calling it an incursion, which makes it sound all above board and perfectly fine. I would like to give a definition on what I believe these attacks are by the Israelis

Terrorism - the systematic and organized use of violence and intimidation to force a government or community, etc to act in a certain way or accept certain demands.